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Alien World To Help Out Syria Since This One Refuses To

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#1
StarLord

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IMPERIAL CITY, PLANET ZARKLOM 12—Frustrated by "the astonishing incapacity of earthlings to halt the rampant slaughter of their own kind" in Syria, the emperor of Zarklom 12 announced Wednesday he had no choice but to dispatch his own intergalactic forces from 3 million light years away to end the senseless bloodshed.


From his floating palace within his gaseous planet's swirling clouds of blue-green ammonia, Supreme Emperor and Dynastic Overlord Thuu'l told reporters that while the human race appeared willing to sit idly by, the planet of Zarklom 12 could no longer turn a blind eye to the mounting casualties in the yearlong uprising against President Bashar al-Assad.


"We have monitored the ongoing violence in the region of your world known as Syria, and we find ourselves as disgusted by your reluctance to stop it as we are horrified by the deaths themselves," said Thuu'l, an oily, amoeba-like creature who held in his pseudopod a U.N. report indicating al-Assad's forces have killed more than 7,500 civilians. "It's unbearable to watch even from the far end of the Triangulum Galaxy, and yet you who dwell upon the same planet continue to tolerate it. How is that possible?"


"We understand your species is primitive, but surely even your simplistic, half-formed consciences recognize that this cannot be allowed," Thuu'l continued. "Regardless, we have no choice but to take matters into our own hands. Our stellar armada is already on its way. Please do not distract our vessels with your air defenses."


Clarifying his intentions, Thuu'l assured uneasy reporters the operation was not a wholesale invasion of Earth but a very narrow offensive aimed at dislodging the al-Assad family from power; liberating cities such as Homs, which has been shelled by tanks and rockets unremittingly for a month; and freeing thousands of Syrians—many of them children—who have been imprisoned and tortured purely for political reasons.



With these goals achieved, a mission the emperor said his infinitely superior military could complete in "less than 20 of your Earth minutes," the alien forces will reportedly withdraw to an unobtrusive distance of five parsecs to monitor peacekeeping efforts before finally returning to their home world.

"Understand that your tiny planet is of no strategic importance to us and that we are reluctantly interfering in human affairs only because your pathetic inaction has put us in this position," Thuu'l said. "Just this once we will take on this responsibility for you. Do not expect us to save you from yourselves again. From what we've seen, you don't deserve it."

"It defies all universal logic that the leading nations of your planet failed to agree on a simple resolution calling for an end to the violence in Syria," added the emperor, expressing bafflement at the human species' "obvious failure to morally evolve." "Why would you not sign such a document? Do you not want the violence to stop?"

When told intervention on the part of the world community would be fraught with political complications, the emperor shook his bulbous, reddening macronucleus and asked why Earth's civilization had not been sufficiently organized to prevent such basic, horrendous plights as the widespread mass murder of its own members.

"Humans should not be permitted to do these terrible things to other humans," Thuu'l said. "Surely you must understand that much. You are sentient beings, correct?"

When reached for comment, President al-Assad reiterated his denials of a brutal government crackdown and said he was prepared to die. At press time, with the U.N. continuing to urge Syria to allow the delivery of humanitarian aid, the sound of artillery had paused as 100,000 spacecraft filled the sky.

http://www.theonion....ne-refus,27620/

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Wait Long Enough, People Will Forget What They Are About And Show Their True Side To You.


#2
Qetuoadgjl

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Aliens Sought Out For Assistance!!!

http://www.abovetops...hread834991/pg1

:o

#3
Mudpuppy

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IMPERIAL CITY, PLANET ZARKLOM 12—Frustrated by "the astonishing incapacity of earthlings to halt the rampant slaughter of their own kind" in Syria, the emperor of Zarklom 12 announced Wednesday he had no choice but to dispatch his own intergalactic forces from 3 million light years away to end the senseless bloodshed.


From his floating palace within his gaseous planet's swirling clouds of blue-green ammonia, Supreme Emperor and Dynastic Overlord Thuu'l told reporters that while the human race appeared willing to sit idly by, the planet of Zarklom 12 could no longer turn a blind eye to the mounting casualties in the yearlong uprising against President Bashar al-Assad.


"We have monitored the ongoing violence in the region of your world known as Syria, and we find ourselves as disgusted by your reluctance to stop it as we are horrified by the deaths themselves," said Thuu'l, an oily, amoeba-like creature who held in his pseudopod a U.N. report indicating al-Assad's forces have killed more than 7,500 civilians. "It's unbearable to watch even from the far end of the Triangulum Galaxy, and yet you who dwell upon the same planet continue to tolerate it. How is that possible?"


"We understand your species is primitive, but surely even your simplistic, half-formed consciences recognize that this cannot be allowed," Thuu'l continued. "Regardless, we have no choice but to take matters into our own hands. Our stellar armada is already on its way. Please do not distract our vessels with your air defenses."


Clarifying his intentions, Thuu'l assured uneasy reporters the operation was not a wholesale invasion of Earth but a very narrow offensive aimed at dislodging the al-Assad family from power; liberating cities such as Homs, which has been shelled by tanks and rockets unremittingly for a month; and freeing thousands of Syrians—many of them children—who have been imprisoned and tortured purely for political reasons.



With these goals achieved, a mission the emperor said his infinitely superior military could complete in "less than 20 of your Earth minutes," the alien forces will reportedly withdraw to an unobtrusive distance of five parsecs to monitor peacekeeping efforts before finally returning to their home world.

"Understand that your tiny planet is of no strategic importance to us and that we are reluctantly interfering in human affairs only because your pathetic inaction has put us in this position," Thuu'l said. "Just this once we will take on this responsibility for you. Do not expect us to save you from yourselves again. From what we've seen, you don't deserve it."

"It defies all universal logic that the leading nations of your planet failed to agree on a simple resolution calling for an end to the violence in Syria," added the emperor, expressing bafflement at the human species' "obvious failure to morally evolve." "Why would you not sign such a document? Do you not want the violence to stop?"

When told intervention on the part of the world community would be fraught with political complications, the emperor shook his bulbous, reddening macronucleus and asked why Earth's civilization had not been sufficiently organized to prevent such basic, horrendous plights as the widespread mass murder of its own members.

"Humans should not be permitted to do these terrible things to other humans," Thuu'l said. "Surely you must understand that much. You are sentient beings, correct?"

When reached for comment, President al-Assad reiterated his denials of a brutal government crackdown and said he was prepared to die. At press time, with the U.N. continuing to urge Syria to allow the delivery of humanitarian aid, the sound of artillery had paused as 100,000 spacecraft filled the sky.

http://www.theonion....ne-refus,27620/


The Onion strikes again. I was guessing Alex Jones.

Aliens Sought Out For Assistance!!!

http://www.abovetops...hread834991/pg1

:o

LOL!!! This guy writes,

Where can I find a hutch of aliens? If ATS aliens are passing the buck, I need a different group of aliens. Where do I go to talk to a whole bunch of aliens? You know, ones who give a damn.


That is too funny. ATS, another porn fear factory has now almost superceded GDP in stupidity.

#4
Qetuoadgjl

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That is too funny. ATS, another porn fear factory has now almost superceded GDP in stupidity.


Immature oversimplization. The Above Top Secret forum has thousands of new posts and hundreds of new topics weekly.

Not everyting, MOF not much of everything, is GDP-like, stupid or porn fear. :blink:

#5
StarLord

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Immature oversimplization. The Above Top Secret forum has thousands of new posts and hundreds of new topics weekly.

Not everyting, MOF not much of everything, is GDP-like, stupid or porn fear. :blink:


Well, I guess that depends on how long one has been watching ATS do it's moves. Same goes for watching the government.

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Wait Long Enough, People Will Forget What They Are About And Show Their True Side To You.


#6
dreamwalker

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Well, I guess that depends on how long one has been watching ATS do it's moves. Same goes for watching the government.


Amen.
"I've got a silver spoon on a chain.. I've got a grand piano to prop up my mortal remains. I've got wide staring eyes. I've got a strong urge to fly!! But I've got nowhere to fly to."
-Pink Floyd

#7
Mudpuppy

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Immature oversimplization. The Above Top Secret forum has thousands of new posts and hundreds of new topics weekly.

Not everyting, MOF not much of everything, is GDP-like, stupid or porn fear. :blink:


This is written by an ATS member (before being banned, of course):

This is just a notice to let you know what AboveTopSecret is about:

To target out "dangerous individuals", meaning individuals that may expose truths they do not want exposed, and get rid of such, and fill the rest of their site with disinformation, lies and deceit, and keep only "general conspiracy theories". If you get too deep, you will get burned.


That sounds about right. ;)

#8
Harte

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So that's it, then?

We, a conspiracy site, have been reduced to seeing conspiracies in other conspiracy sites?

Twice removed!

I wonder. How could we phrase that so it would be thrice removed?

Maybe we could start a rumor at "The Unhived Mind" about how we are conspiring to hide secrets about the ATS conspiracy.

Then we'd have a conspiracy site seeing conspiracies in the way another conspiracy site sees the conspiracy at ATS, the third conspiracy site.

How far can one go before the finger of conspiracy eventually points right back at them?


Harte
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Ubi dubium ibi libertas.

Gee, what a boring ass world it would be without the likes of us messed up whack job psycho arrogant motherfuckers who DONT BUY INTO EVERYTHING. Risata

Sometimes a shitty stick is just a stick covered in shit and not a Gubbermint plot to makes sticks useless to us. Grayson

#9
dreamwalker

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The conspiracy has pointed at me for a long time. Do you really post on "The Unhived Mind"?
"I've got a silver spoon on a chain.. I've got a grand piano to prop up my mortal remains. I've got wide staring eyes. I've got a strong urge to fly!! But I've got nowhere to fly to."
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#10
StarLord

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I wonder. How could we phrase that so it would be thrice removed?

Harte


Well, how about "I know a friend who has a friend who's 3rd cousin posted on different conspiracy sites together"?

Come to the Light side. There's No Medals For Stumbling Around In The Dark Is There...Forgive The Darkside, For They Know Not What They Do.

We are Spiritual Beings Having A Human Consciousness Experience.


Wait Long Enough, People Will Forget What They Are About And Show Their True Side To You.





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